One Gloomy December Morning

19 12 2011



I remember this kind of day. No sun, only grey clouds hanging in the sky. It’s not dark and scary, but enough to put people into their glooms. There’s a chill in the air. It’s the one that gently caress your skin and makes you take a deep breath just to feel that air inside your nostril. It’s a feeling not easy to describe, but definitely hard to forget.

The feeling brought me back in time. I was a kid at that time. It’s the morning of Chinese New Year. I forgot which year, but I remember that the morning’s air was the same as today’s. It was a hopeful day. I hoped to get a lot of red envelopes filled with money so I can get enough to buy toys or things I desired  that my parents can’t buy. At that time, despite of the hope, I knew that I still won’t get a lot and every envelope I got would be given to my parents.

There was a protest in me. Those moneys are mine. But I had no choice since it was my parents who was asking for them. I promised myself ever since, I will get a lot of money later to but the things I want.

It’s been years since that gloomy morning. I’m now standing on the side of Jl. Satrio with a cup of coffee in my hand. It’s far from my parent’s home and  from where I started since that gloomy morning. I look at my surrounding. Yes, it’s the exact same weather and feeling. But this time it’s different. I feel a sense of relief. I bought my own coffee, I paid my own room rent and managed to purchase the stuffs I need with my own money. I let myself smile a bit.

I took a moment to look at the traffic, saw the sky and once again breathed the chilly air. I felt like I’m saying to myself: you’re almost there, it’s not far now; you’ve come a long way, but it’s all worth the effort. I let the feeling sink in and I set out to face the day, hoping for more “gloomy” mornings in the future, all in different place and different memories.


December 10th 2011.




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