The Demon Inside

12 03 2011




We all are destined to fight an eternal battle with our own dark side. It takes place in the realm where the scariest demons linger and attempt to destroy our pursuit of becoming a better person.

The demons are the manifestations of our phobias, past traumas, historical failure or every single memory that stings every time it’s triggered. Their fang pierces deep into our soul while their dirty fingers play with our thoughts.

The ones I face are not less ugly. I see my demon every time I look into the mirror. I can always hear it screams how ugly I look like and how I not even close to good. It’s the same demon that laughs joyously when I make mistakes and mock me when I fail to achieve something I hope and desire. Yes, the demon of perfection is indeed a persistent creature that follows my steps and refuses to stay behind.

Its brother, self-expectation, feeds from my disappointment and see the chances to strike when I keep my hopes high. Self-expectation allows me to enjoy a pseudo-happiness, takes me to euphoria, then slam me to the ground with its knee pressed hard against my chest. It lurks in my mind and dances triumphantly when I sink in depression.

We all fight our own battle in a daily basis. It’s not the matter of winning or losing. It’s about survival, keeping ourselves sane after going through every battle.




2 responses

12 03 2011

It’s no use to fight the demon, Sur. Especially since it’s within you.

Best thing you could do is accepting it. Accept that it is inside you, but don’t fight it. The more you fight it, the more you hate yourself 🙂 Try to… Relax. Or better yet, imagine yourself as a human-hamster, running endlessly in your so-called cage. First, it’s not pretty to imagine in your head :mrgreen: Second, do you want to live like that?

I believe you won’t 🙂

On a harsher note, the Sun will still shine with or without you. The Earth still rotate with or without you. In a way, we are nothing. In a way, we are nobody. So stop trying to be so perfect.

But in a very funny irony (and I believe somehow God has bizarre sense of humor) we are important. Each one of us is something :mrgreen: Especially you, Sur 😀 For me, you are something. In the midst of craziness and hullaballos in life, you managed to do some crazy stuffs to release the stress.

Been there done that, Sur. Although I believe each of us have our own experience and we handle it differently 🙂 Try to trust yourself. Trusting yourself doesn’t mean that everything should go as perfect and as flawless as you want it. Trusting yourself is believing that you will do good. You will do fine. No matter what, you are the best 🙂

Good luck in everything, Sur *hugs* Don’t get too stressed out, okay?

P.S. Maaf komentarnya jadi panjang :mrgreen:

13 03 2011

@kapkap: Owh.. makasih Kapkap. Thank u for the comment. Well, I believe everyone have their own dark and dirty side. I guess I’ve realized mine and now learning to deal with them.

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